The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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