Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
