No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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