And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
