its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
