cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
