He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
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Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Blood and glitter go together right?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
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I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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