i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
