Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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