So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
