Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
