nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
