I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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