i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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