Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have aggressive nipples.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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