Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
