i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
