I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
