mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
