Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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