I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
