hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
