Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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