He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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