I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
