Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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