drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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