Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
