i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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