I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
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whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
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I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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