i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
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So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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