Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
