I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
