Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
