hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
