OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize