Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
