Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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