Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize