20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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