There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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