the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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