Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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