Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My feet surprised me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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