theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
