if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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