Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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