Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
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