just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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