He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
