Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
