So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
