On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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