does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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