My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
