I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
