You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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