Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
