She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
