...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
