I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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