24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just found puke in my bra..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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