He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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