My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
