He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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