Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize